The Rules of Team Fortress 2?

Ruaraidh and I were discussing what we thought the number one rule in TF2 would be.

Of course, it’s to shove as many hats into your empty chest cavity as possible, but we thought we’d put all the headgear talk on the backburner. Get it? Backburner? Like the Pyro weapon? Yeah I don’t get it either.

So as we sat there with our hat filled chest cavities thinking about what we thought the number one thing we’d tell somebody brand new would be, I said, “Hey! This is idiotic. Let’s go play Minecraft.” I probably said that because I had just been backstabbed by the same Spy for the fifth time in a row and that jerk-off was using the Saharan Spy set and he was just everywhere at once and it was such a pain but I digress.

We decided upon the number one rule being to never stop moving. It was close though. Should the number one rule be give all your money to Gaben? Should the number one rule be to hog all the promo items you can get your hands on and shitfuck up the “economy” even more than it already has been? I use the word “economy” lightly. It’s more of an unorganized anarchist bartering group at this point.

Regardless, what do YOU think the number one rule of TF2 is? Say your cousin’s sister, which would still be your cousin, just bought her first computer and is installing TF2 right off the bat. Instead of anything else. No OS, no Steam, just straight to TF2.

What would you tell her?

Q:One of the more interesting things I find about TF2 weapon balance is..how there isn't always a 100% chance for "Yeah I can totally take this class on, this Heavy is too slow to turn around before I stab them" or "The Pyro can't take a Scout on if they don't have their shotgun". So its not just "Rock Paper Scissors Fortress 2". Spycicle gets a lot of hate, but it gives your team extra to think about before you yell out spy and torch em. Just adds to the excitement and replayability of the game.

Anonymous

While there are a few unlockables in the game that aren’t great for balancing the classes, it is pretty neat that there isn’t exactly a designated “hard counter” for every class. While yes, a Heavy can counter a Scout and a Pyro can counter a Spy, it’s not at all impossible for a skilled Scout or Spy to take down a Heavy or Pyro, respectively.

Q:(Anon tips and tricks) Noticed a while back you shot down the phlog, I'm a seasoned M2 vet but, damn. Those crits and healing can really help out when you're on a map with not too many med packs, or the map is huge. or even if you're just a loner pyro. I'd suggest for pyros who enjoy being more offensive than support, use the Phlog with Scorch shot or Man Melter to still be able to extinguish your team. And an Axtinguisher or Powerjack to really buff your survival.

Anonymous

While we here at TF2 Tricks are physically and mentally incapable of appreciating the Pholg, that doesn’t mean we are completely devoid of all empathy and can still appreciate the opinions of others.

Thanks for sending us the message!

Q:the fact that you write some posts like the posts on the official tf2 blog make the whole experience that much better. keep up the good work!

Anonymous

THE SUPER MEGA ULTRA 900 FOLLOWER HAT GIVEAWAY EXTRAVAGANZA

Would YOU like to receive a FREE hat in Team Fortress 2? Of course you would!

To celebrate this blog reaching 900 followers, I’m going to be holding a hat giveaway that anybody can enter. To enter, you must be following this blog and reblog this post. There are only a few rules, but please respect them.

  1. Please only reblog this post once so everybody has an equal chance of winning. If you reblog more than once, you will be disqualified.
  2. You MUST be following this blog if you want to win, reblogging isn’t enough and vice versa.

The giveaway will end on Monday, May 27th at 6pm EST. That gives everybody who wishes to participate 1 week to follow and reblog. At the end of the time period, I’ll use random.org to choose one person to be the lucky winner!

Good luck to everybody, and thank you all again for 900 followers! You all rock! Here’s to another 100 more.

BUT WAIT! Wouldn’t you like to know exactly what hat you could win? Well, I’d love to tell you, but I can’t. That’d spoil the fun. All I will tell you is that it’s a class-specific hat.

image

This blog…still exists? And people are…still following it?

OH MY GOD IT’S TRUE! *SLAMS HANDS ON THE DESK* TF2 TRICKS DOES STILL EXIST BABY AND IT’S BEING BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE! *SLAMS MORE HANDS ON THE DESK*

SOMEBODY GET ME THAT ONE THING THAT SHOCKS YOUR CHEST!

NO NOT THE CLAMPS! THE DEFABRICATOR! NO, WAIT! THE DEFUCKINATOR! NO, SHIT, THE DEFIBRITATOR! DAMN, THAT’S NOT IT EITHER! THE ONE FROM LEFT 4 DEAD 2!

BREATH! *ZAP!* BREATH! *ZAP!* BREEEATH DAMN YOU! *ZAP!!* IF I LOSE ANOTHER PATIENT I’LL BE WRITTEN UP!

*chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga*

It’s back, baby! Is it better than ever? Well that’s yet to be seen! Where have we been? Fucking hell if I know. Where are we know? Right here! Well…in a very metaphysical sense.

Regardless, TF2 Tricks is back and we are ready to celebrate!

What does that entail? Dammit Jim, I’m a blogger, not a blogger! Wait. I’m both! Quick, contact the Guinness Book of World Records! I want to send them a numeric page!

I’ve just been alerted nobody uses numeric pages anymore. Time to dust off my fax machine then!

I don’t think anybody has ever blogged this much in their life! I must be careful not to overheat and explode and start reblogging shitty black and white gif-sets of Benedict Cumberbatch taking off his scarf! Because that’s not TF2 related. Or interesting.

REGARDLESS! How do we celebrate the (second (or third (I’ve lost count))) return of TF2 Tricks?

Dammit you fool! Haven’t you learned by now? A giveaway! Obviously! How has TF2 Tricks been celebrating things since the birth of time? I don’t know. I was hoping somebody could answer that one for me.

Things are getting metaphysical again.

TAKE PART IN THE GIVEAWAY BY CLICKING HERE!

Happy Birthday!

Well today, February the 27th, marks the 1 year anniversary of TF2 Tricks! Because of technical difficulties on our end, the master post with all the different content will be released probably alter this weekend, but keep an eye out for it!

Thank you to everybody for following and a special thanks to the people who have been around since the beginning!

We love you all, DFTBA.

High-res wallpaper of the image for the Brutal Legend promos!
Pop-upView Separately

High-res wallpaper of the image for the Brutal Legend promos!

As Soldier…

Use the splash damage of your rockets to help point out cloaked Spies! Use this knowledge to help finish off the Spy or alert your teammates to the Spies location.

Holy Dooley!

New promo items incoming!

AGAIN!

Looks like pre-ordering BioShock Infinite gets you a buttload of TF2 promo items! (as well as some other nifty stuff)

It’s one of those things where if a certain amount of people pre-order the game - they get bonuses. 

In this case - the first bonus is a copy of BioShock, the second is the TF2 items, and the third is a copy of XCOM: Enemy Unknown!

Here’s an image of the new fancy-pants items:

Wow. Right? RIGHT?!

And the descriptions:

  • Vox Diabolus - With this Vox Populi anarchist mask, you can terrify your enemies into thinking you’re the Devil Himself, or worse, a protestor. Either way, they’re probably going to avoid you at the entrance to the supermarket when you try to get them to sign something.
  • The Pounding Father - Heavy cannot tell lie. Heavy is first President of United States. Of crushing little baby men.
  • Blind Justice - Want to command respect from people standing at an indeterminate distance from your immediate right? Bolt on a platinum Pinkerton badge and experience the thrill for yourself!
  • The Person in the Iron Mask - Turkey? Chicken? Game hens? Your head? This cast iron poultry furnace will smoke anything placed inside it.
  • The Doe-Boy - Protect the important thoughts in your head — ones like “liberty” and “freedom” and “democracy” — with good, honest, hat-shaped American steel. This helmet won’t run (until heated to 2500°F)!
  • The Sydney Straw Boat - Throw this hat on the ground to express rage, or in the air to express joy! Take a hat-based trip through time to learn how your great grandparents displayed emotions in the days before emoticons!
  • The Steel Songbird - It gets pretty quiet in that sniper’s nest. Why not treat yourself to the haunting rhythmic symphony of bolts being constantly pooped by this mute, easily terrified incontinent bird?

Sweet stuff!

What do you all think?